Our second trip to Hedonism III in Jamaica has just been booked. This is absolutely the best money ever spent on a vacation. 8 days pure indulgence. We will be sipping rum, eating rich foods and laying naked by the pool, basking in the hot Jamaican sunshine. What a fabulous way to take a vacation.

     Then there is the entertainment. Everywhere you go, there is a feeling of  lust and sex. It’s truly an adult candy store. You wil see more sex by the side of the pool in one afternoon than you will ever see anywhere else. Everyone has a constant smile on their faces. Could it be from the thought of being propositioned at any time, or is it a lingering mile from your last encounter? Either way, this promises to be a vacation to remember, and never to speak of again. So here we are – 136 days out from leaving. Can I pack my sunscreen and lube now?

  I met my first husband when I was 20. To this day I can’t remember the moment we met. I guess somethings aren’t big enough for your brain to deem them worthy of space…

We dated for 5 years and got Married in the later part of May, 1997. I’m not even sure of the date anymore…

I was so young and ingorant as to how to be prepared for marriage. I thought I was happy, so I guess for that time in my life I was.

It didnt take long to figure out that I had made a mistake. I was not his wife, I was his mother, cook, maid, and chauffeur when he was drunk, which was every day. I spent my nights alone, while he drank with his friends. My other option was to go out and drink beer with him, trying to gain a little attention from him. This plan only led to me gaining 40 pounds. I spent a year and a half sitting in dark bars drinking high calorie beer, eating fried food and smoking.  I finally got a good look in the mirror one morning, and cried. I was fat, I had fat dimples all over my body, my hair looked like shit from all the unhealthy things I had lived on. My skin was all broken out from the greasy food, everything I owned smelled like smoke, and my eyes were outlined with black circles from drinking everyday.

After my little crying breakdown, I joined a gym. I quit drinking everyday.I quit eating fried foods. I worked out 4 times a week. I lost 45 pounds from August to December, which got me down to 5 pounds thinner than my wedding day.

We went to a New Year’s Eve party with friends at a local hotel. Our friends had not realized how much weight I had lost until that night. Everyone stared when I walked in, One of my husband’s friends told me I looked great, and that he was proud of how dedicated I had been to losing the weight. My husband’s reply to this comment was this …” Yeah but she needed to, her ass was huge”.  All of our friends just stared at him. Noone knew what to say. He had never said a word about me losing weight, except for this one horribly embarrassing moment. I wasn’t embarrassed for the comment, as much as I was embarrassed to realize the dumbass I was married to. I was mad as hell at him for the husband that he was.

Five months later I left him and moved in with friends. He didnt notice I was gone for two days. I guess that’s how the fuzzy world of an alcoholic works. When he finally realized I was gone, he called looking for me. Our conversation was less than 5 minutes. I told him I couldn’t live like that, I didn’t want to live in a bar. I wanted to have a family, and be able to spend time with my husband. He said he wasn’t going to stop the way he lived. So there it is, I wasn’t as important as a bar stool and a beer. It’s a lovely way to realize where you stand with your husband.

A month later, I had found an apartment on the lake with a pool. There was a peacefullness there that I hadn’t felt in a long time. It was just me, taking care of just myself and catching up on some well deserved rest.

Three months later, I made a big decision. I filed for divorce. I realized that I couldn’t be mad at him forever. He was the same as he always was, it was who he was. I had married young, thinking we would both want to settle down eventually and build our life together. I was more mad at myself for not thinking things through clearly.

Three months after leaving him, I was in a much better place in my life. I spent more time with friends and family. I was back to feeling like me again.

I was at my Mom’s house on a Sunday night, just spending time with her and talking. I decided to stop at a local bar in town, one that always had a party on Sunday nights with a great band. I was there for a couple of hours, making new friends and listening to the wonderful music. There he was, he walked in and walked up to the group. I can tell you exactly where I stood when I saw him. He was the most georgeous man I had ever seen. I had just enough beer in me to have the courage to talk to him.  We talked for the next hour, until the band stopped playing.  We decided to meet at the next bar down the street. We talked  for the next several hours, until that bar closed too.  He told me he was worried about me driving so far after drinking, and that I should stay at his house. At the time, I thought he was so sweet to be concerned about me getting home. Looking back on it now, it makes me laugh that story worked on me.

I can tell you what clothes we had on, what time we met, where we were standing, the weather that day…It was one of the best days of my life. Seveal years later, we are married with a child that looks just like my wonderful husband. He is my life and the reason I try to be a better person. He is the reason I love my life and all the possibilites that can be. He is the reason everyday of my life is happy and safe. There is nowhere in the world like laying in bed in his arms. He is my husband, my lover and my best friend. He knows me better than anyone. I can’t imagine my life without him.

Did I love my first husband? I guess in some way, I did. I have to admit, if I had not been married previously, I would have never appreciated the incredible man I have in my life now. I think you have to have the rough times and bad people in your life to make you love the really good times and great people even more.

No matter how long my husband and I are alive, and even beyond that, my love for him is endless. I owe all the wonderful things in my life to him.

1. I’m still breathing
2. I quit smoking 3 years ago and didnt start again
3. I get to sleep in my soulmates arms every night
4. I love my family
5. My child is healthy
6. My husband knows me better than anyone, and loves me anyway
7. The Cowboys are not in the playoffs….
8. Beer is brewed every day
9. It’s getting closer and closer to summer
10. I live somewhere that I am free to do what I want
11. I have purged unnecessary and poisonous people from my life.
12. Sex gets even better the longer I am married to my husband
13. I’m taking better care of myself
14. My new implants are pretty damn fun
15. I can lay in bed and see the sunrise over the mountains
16. I have friends that would be here in a minute if I needed them
17. My husband has an awesome body
18. I’m tackling fears in my life and defeating them
19. Dark Chocolate
20. The smell of Dahlias reminds me of being a little girl
21. I’m a better Mom than I thought I would be
22. I refuse to spend time with people I don’t like
23. I’m getting better about my patience. Not good, but better!
24. My son told me I’m more fun than the other Moms
25. I have a better body image than I have ever had in my life
26. I can do 26 items if I want. After all, it’s my random list, so deal with it

We’re getting closer and closer to our Hedonism vacation. We have been in contact with many people who are going. Emails, Instant Messages, and Text messages. I have talked to a wide range of men. WOW, what a difference.

Let’s start with the men with style and some class. I’m not sure who i  should thank for what I’m about to say, but here goes. Thanks to the men who can play and get me turned on with simple things. EASY AND FUN things…. Instant messaging and texting fun things back and forth between two sexy adults is amazing. Men who know how to make me hot and wet with nothing but words, the image burned in my brain of what they want to do with me, or better yet, to me. Thanks to the men who can ask for a pic without acting like a 15 year old boy with a new porno magazine. Thanks to the men who can receive a pic and say something that doesnt sound like Larry Flint said it. These men know how to be gracious and say thank you for a peek. Thanks to the men who say “Can I see what you look like?” and not “Hey darlin’ can I see your twat?” Really, the men who have this figured out are getting much more love from the women they persue.

Now, on to the other men. These are the men who never quite figure out the game. I got a IM from a guy last night who wanted to know if he was at Hedo the same time with me, could he cum on my face…no joke….that was his opening line…in what universe does the question work? Does any woman really say yes? Damn, you’re really an idiot dude. When I told him no, he then asked if he could get my phone number to have phone sex with me. Because that’s what I want, to listen to that moron get his rocks off by trying to call me 20 times a day. NO WAY, go jerk your 2 inch pecker by yourself you loser.

Can’t wait to get back and do my trip report….. I’m sure it will be action packed

I have a few friends who really dont care if they have sex with their husband or not. Sure, it could be my friends and the weird hormones that turn us all in to a crazy bitch at a moments notice. It could be that they have lost interest in their man.  It does happen to some.

Men, have you ever noticed how if you bring your wife flowers or do something unexpected, you get a favor in return? At least it is how my husband and I do things.  He still opens doors for me, brings me coffee and sets it on my vanity while I am in the shower, he thanks me for being his wife almost every day. He does little things for me to show me how he cares about me.

These things do not go unnoticed. I try to be a great wife in return. I do things to make his day easier. Cooking, cleaning the house, getting things organized for his day, and just being here for him when he needs me.  He only has to say he needs something, and I make it happen. I do this because he is a great husband. I do not hear many other women talk about their husband the way I talk about mine. Usually it’s just bitching and complaining, so I sit back and smile, knowing how lucky I am to have a man that gives me everything I need. 

If you pay attention to what your wife likes, even small things like the coffee in the morning or putting gas in her car so she doesnt have to get out in the cold, these things add up in her female mind. They give you “man points” and get you goodies later

Bring her flowers, do you know what kind she really likes? Are you sure its roses? Did you get any box of chocolate, or is it filled with her favorites? Pay attention to these little things and you will be a very happy man.

I have spent the last 6 days with family, both my husband’s family and my own. After seeing families that are divorced, separated, or just not happy, I am once again reminded of how blessed I am.

I have a child that is my angel. Smart, sweet, and very well behaved. Probably a better child than what I deserve. My son is the reason I try to be a better person.

I have a husband that I thank God for everyday. Meeting him and falling in love was the turning point of my life getting better and better. I can talk to him about anything, and he will listen. We may not always be the perfect happy couple, but I believe we are much happier than most couples you will ever meet. He is my soulmate, my rock of strength and unconditional love. Seeing him walk in the room is like seeing him for the first time, every time. There is a safety in his arms that I could never find anywhere else.

Being in our house together tonight, listening to the two of them playing is such a blessing to me. It’s a happiness and calm feeling that can’t be bought. No presents or gifts can give you the peace of a loving family.

There sure does seem to be a group of women who feed off of good hearted men. Why is it that a certain kind of woman can live their life using and abusing men? I have never figured out what that power is some women can hold.

My friend “G” has had his heart broken by his wife of many years. She cheated on him and moved out. He was heart broken, he is a very sweet man. After being apart for a short time, she called him and wanted to meet. To discuss getting back together. They met, talked, the agreement is totally amazing to me…

She and their two children will come back home to him. She will still see the other man because she says she loves him. What kind of shit is that? She needs help with the children, thats why she is coming back. “G” has the biggest heart to take care of the children, knowing what is going to happen. He will be the man of the family, be the father and the responsible one, the provider for the family. The other man will just be waiting for her to show up for sex, for the fun parts. That isnt a man, that’s a parasite that sucks what they want out of a woman and move on to the next when this one seems tired and old.  What do you see in a man that only wants you for sex, not caring where the hell you are the rest of the day. Just as long as you show up for your meaningless fuck session, he will let you show up again tomorrow. 

How do you do that? How do you keep one for security, and one for sex. How can you be so heartless? That’s about as greedy as you can be. How do you get the power to get two men to give you what you need. She hasnt figured out 2 things:

1. The good man will find a woman that loves him with all her heart. He doesnt know it now, but the women he was meant to be with is not the bitch draining the life out of him. He will remarry one day to the woman he deserves.

2.The loser man will be done with her in a few months, when he grows tired of her. He’ll trade her in for a newer, younger model. It’s what the scum bags of the world do. If you are only for sex, you can be replaced quickly.

In Italy? Maybe you will be lucky enough to run into “G” and fall in love…..

Watching what I eat, no soft drinks, rarely ever eating in a restaurant because of large portions served, oatmeal every morning instead of the fat filled breakfast I’d love to have. I go to the gym and bust my ass on every horrible piece of equipment they have. I have even started running. I am the ideal weight for my height, according to the Doctor.

So Why the hell am I so critical of my body? Actually I can tell you why. It’s because I’m a typical female. Men have it very easy in this department, they can be 400 pounds, hairy, smelly,bald and ugly – but when they look in the mirror they see one hot looking stud. DAMN IT!  I don’t shy away from being naked in front of my husband, but I still am very critical of myself. I have a sister in law that is my height and weight. I think she looks great. I guess women are just wired that way. It’s very rare to find a woman that is happy with her body. We usually just call those women vain… instead of wishing we had the strength to think that way too.

I think the upcoming trip and being around others while naked will help me. A wide variety of people will be there, from the fit and trim to the out of shape.  Seeing that everyone else has body flaws will give me some perspective. It’s a weird thing to explain. I’m not afraid of being nude, I’m just not happy with certain parts of my body. Not to unhappy to stay home…… I love that I have long legs, I get much attention from them. But I also have thick thighs from being active for a good portion of my life. I’m not the model thin girl that many tall girls are. I guess thicker more muscle toned thighs are better than thin and not toned. Once I get over that, we will move on to the whole “barefoot phobia” I have….

I HATE TO BE BAREFOOT… Not just a little dislike, it freaks me out. I never wear flat shoes, so I will be the tall girl in heels by the nude pool. Nothing like meeting new people when most will be nipple level to me….or lower…..

How do you keep from staring? I think in general I will be fine with the not staring thing. What if a guy is talking to me that has a giant dick??? I’m absolutely sure I will have to admire…..or stare….whatever you want to call it I’m not even close to quiet when I drink, so I’m going to have to remind myself not to make loud announcements that there is a massive cock providing shade for us. I keep picturing myself yelling something like “Holy Shit! The Human Tripod is here!”  And as a typical male, all men within ear shot will think I’m talking about them. And why? Because men can get naked and be totally at ease and proud of who they are. My goal is to have that kind of bravery by hour #2 by the pool.

You know, I have always been good at finding new friends and meeting new people. I met a new friend through a Yahoo Group the other day. He is the funniest guy to talk to, some things are definitely lost in the translation. Good thing he knows English, because heaven knows we Americans aren’t as bi-lingual as the rest of the world…

After talking for a few days, he asked for a pic of me. We had been through the trading pic thing of those pics your would show your mother. He meant a *giggle* FUN pic. So after taking about 20 or so, i decided on the one I was happy with. You know how women are, it was all about lighting, angle, centered, etc. What can I say, sometimes I have bouts of OCD. I sent him a pic of my chest. I must say, 2 years ago I would have never done that, I had implants done because I was starting to look like the room was hot and I was melting, not how a girl wants to look.

I got some very happy reviewes from my new friend in Italy. Makes me feel better to get such reviews from a man that is not my husband. I know my husband loves me, there are women all over the world that will never have the kind of man I have. But I also think his view of me is skewed by love, so he will naturally say that I am beautiful. For some crazy reason it sounds like a bigger compliment from a man half way around the world that can be as truthful as he wants. After all, he doesn’t have to worry about making me mad, not like I’m in his bed tonight! I told my husband about the pic I sent. He was turned on by this, he’s over there about ready to explode with excitement. The plan for tonight is to go home and play with the camera in bed tonight, send my new friend some more fun pics. So “G”, I will be sending you some new pics soon, stay warm in Milano and we will be snapping pics in your honor

So what is the thing that most men thirst for? Is it an anything as long as she’s naked thing? My husband has a thing for my legs, and he also has a thing for my hands. Some men are boob men. It entertains me to hear what really turns men on, it seems to be such a wide variety.  I guess everyone has their favorites. When I was a single girl, anyone taller than me got my attention first. Being a tall girl, I love the idea of a man that is able to throw me around and play like it should be done. And to my husband, who I know is going to read this, The camera battery is fully charged…And I will be too

So here it is, 3 months out from our Hedonism 3 trip. It sure makes it easier going to the gym knowing I will be in bright sunshine nude for a week. Puts the whole body image thing in perspective also. After spending countless hours searching for trip reports and pics online of those who have already been, the anticipation is killing me.

We have also emailed and IMed many that are going during the week we are going to be there. Seems to be quite a few “Newbies” going during the same time as us. The same questions always arise. Will everyone stare? Will I chicken out? Will I blend in, or will everyone look better than me? We’re staying on the nude side, seemed to be where the best party spots are (Imagine That). The nude thing is getting much better for me. Hedo seems to be all about attitude. I’ve got more than my fair share of that, especially when the Red Stripe starts to flow! Afraid to be nude? Not a problem, “When in Rome,”. What my problem is people who  are barefoot where they shouldnt be. Sit next to me at the bar naked, “hey friend, nice to meet you! Great tattoo, do you know for a fact what that tribal stamp means, or are you probably walking around telling people you are a chronic bed wetter? (Dumbass, you put shit permanently on your body on the word from a fellow dumbass that your tribal tattoo says you are Strong and Fertile. You’re not part of a tribe, you work at Wal Mart) What is going to bother me is people who are going to walk around barefooted all week (Restaurants, lobby, etc) like its the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s Nude Getaway. Put some shoes on Cletus, you can be a dirty redneck when you get home.

I am looking forward to taking in the whole Hedo experience. I’d like to find 2 girls for my husband to have a little FMF playdate. Why not me in there too? I don’t share well. I’m not waiting my turn for dick, and I’m not doing anything with another woman either. I am not a vegetarian, I require meat. Thanks for the offer, but I’m gonna have to pass. I’ll be at the bar drinking Red Stripe giving hell to the idiot with the Tribal Tattoo He can give me the play by play when he gets the smile chipped off his face. As far as taking care of me, we have discussed finding another guy to take to our room with us. I’m gonna have to say, That beats the hell out of bingo at the next resort over

So there it is kids, I will keep you updated with plans for the upcoming hijinks! You gotta love a good time with fun people.